Truth

RE: Harsh Reality

I get ticked off at people who totally hold on to preconceived notions about other people based purely on superficial reasons. They are unable to look past the image of the other person; they assume since they don’t fit the image of the clique they wouldn’t fit in the group, and so exclude them on all levels. 

I try to think of myself as open minded, I analyze everything and look for the root cause of my actions and try to make sure I’m doing everything for the right reasons. For this reason, I try to never let myself judge anyone based on their appearance. I’ve gotten pretty good at this.

But where I fail is judging people on an intellectual level. I feel like it is the duty of the individual to try to be the best person they can be, and I’ve tried to guide my behavior toward this goal. And part of that is not judging people for superficial reasons.

So when someone else judges me based on appearances I immediately take offense to it. Not because it hurts my feelings or makes me feel lesser, but because they either intellectually do not yet understand what makes up a person, or spiritually they’re so cut off from the positive side of the universe they can’t do anything but have a negative attitude toward new people.

And then I realize, I shouldn’t take offense to it. They’re not at the same place as me. It’s not that I’m better than them, maybe it’s just that I’ve come a little further in my journey and learned a few more life lessons from them. Judging them for that would be the same as judging someone who doesn’t dress the same way as me.

And I think that almost makes you come closer to real love. Real love isn’t about sex or men or women or how you feel. It’s about accepting someone for who they are, without wanting to change them, seeing them as special and wonderful and unique and full of purpose. Even when they don’t accept you because of the way that you dress or how you speak.

Thought for the day

I’m either a slave to impulse or self control. Either way, true control is an illusion.

The only way to overcome the vice grip of reality is to do what makes me happy. That way, even if it’s not true control, I have chosen the actions laid out before me to the best of my ability.

This is why Cartman screaming out, “whatever! I do what I want!” has such resonance with me.

So…

I promised one of my best friend’s girlfriend I wouldn’t just hit it and quit it, because she’s her best friend. How do you talk with someone you don’t even know after you’ve had sex? There’s obviously some sort of connection that develops after epic sex like that, but not the kind where you can just call up and chitchat. I just want to not worry about it until I see her randomly again and pick things up where we left off and let nature take its course, but that would make me the doesn’t call after sex type, which would engender harsh feelings and be detrimental to my whole get laid again plan. Fuck.

Dream

I just had another dream featuring my ex girlfriend in it. My ex from like 3 years ago whom I haven’t thought about since the break up. I don’t know what’s going on. I’m thinking she’s just being used as a symbol for girls in general perhaps?

The dream is already slipping through the cracks in my mind like water in cupped hands, but I’ll try to remember the pertinent bits.

I remember us being together. There were other people around at our house every once in a while, but most of the time it was just us. We got some cocaine and were excited about doing it, and we were both surprised that the other one was ok with it.

I went to go get pizza from this weird dude, for some reasons I needed two pizzas. When I ordered he only handed me two slices. I was like, who says “I need two pizzas” and only wants two slices of pizza? He seemed confused that I needed more but finally gave it to me.

I went back home and set the pizza down and we did more blow.

So. Strange. Dream websites have this to say:

Pizza

To see or eat pizza in your dream represents abundance, choices, and variety. It may also indicate that you are lacking or feeling deprived of something.

Cocaine

To dream that you are taking cocaine indicates that you are feeling empty and devoid of emotions. You are looking to get out of your commitments or denying your responsibilities.

The main thing seems to be that I’m empty and deprived of feeling.

Neat.

Letter #2: To My Future Ex-Girlfriend

We haven’t met yet. I have no idea who you are, and you have no idea who I am. But when we meet something profound and magical is going to happen and we’re going to share an inexplicable but wonderful and transient connection. Before that happens though, there’s some things I think you should know.

When we meet I won’t think there’s any way in hell you and I would ever turn into anything resembling a happy couple. Literally no chance for a relationship to develop and evolve. It’s not something I want or expect in any way. You’re going to be just another girl, and you won’t even break through my inability to care about you as an individual.

But even though this is my attitude toward the entire situation, I’m still romantic enough to think it’s possible that there could be someone out there who would destroy my expectations and be everything I need to believe in togetherness again. Romantic enough to still have hope of meeting you, and romantic enough to be willing to give a few people the chance to change my mind.

So, since you’re already my future ex-girlfriend, that means you were one of those people I gave that chance. Which means there were certain criteria that you met for me to allow a connection to be engendered.

You have an interesting mind, one that processes information the same way mine does. We come to the same conclusions about a great many things. We share certain key attitudes and opinions on large life perspectives, but differ enough to keep things interesting. The things I really care about you also really care about, and the things I care about you can appreciate. You are incredibly beautiful. You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, and you got that way not just from your face or your skin or your eyes or your hair or your legs or your chest or your smile, but also from everything I know about you amalgamating into this beautiful personality that I find so attractive that I’ve connected my personality and my soul and my body to yours.

It’s going to be beautiful while it lasts.

Here’s looking at you kid, until we finally meet…

Anonymous asked: You should post a pic of your penis. How big is it actually?

Lolz. You gotta pay the big bucks to see this action! And it’s big enough. I don’t wanna ruin the mystique with boring facts and measurements.